The High-Functioning Anxiety Trap — And How to Step Out of It: A Counsellor’s Perspective Inspired by Gabor Maté & Mel Robbins
The Hidden Cost of “Keeping It Together”
From the outside, you seem calm and capable — productive at work, reliable for friends, and always on top of things. But inside, your thoughts race, sleep is restless, and your body never fully relaxes. That’s high-functioning anxiety — unseen by others, but deeply felt by you.
As Dr. Gabor Maté teaches, many of our “strengths” are really adaptations to stress. And as Mel Robbins reminds us, taking action matters — but not at the expense of inner peace. White-knuckling your life isn’t resilience. It’s survival.
If you recognize yourself here, high-functioning anxiety counselling can help you move from overdrive to calm control.
Where High-Functioning Anxiety Begins
Somewhere along the way, you learned that safety equals performance.
Praise for being “the responsible one.”
Comparison that made you hustle harder.
Environments that rewarded doing over being.
Your nervous system adopted a rule: “If I just do more, I’ll be okay.”
That belief can help you succeed — but it also keeps your body in constant alert.
Why Doing More Isn’t the Cure
High-functioning anxiety often looks like:
Over-preparing to prevent disappointment
People-pleasing to avoid conflict
Overthinking to control the unknown
Perfectionism to outrun shame
These coping patterns once protected you. Now, they quietly fuel burnout, stress, and self-doubt.
You don’t need to become a different person — you need to meet the person beneath the performance.
How Counselling Helps You Reclaim Calm
In trauma-informed counselling, we slow down your story so you can see what’s happening beneath the surface:
The moment your body tenses before you say “yes” (when you mean “no”)
The voice that says, “Don’t drop the ball” — and where it came from
The repeating cycle: stress → perform → relief → repeat
Together, we separate who you are from how you learned to cope.
That’s the first step toward emotional freedom.
Steps to Start Healing from High-Functioning Anxiety
Dr. Gabor Maté invites us to ask, “What did I have to suppress to be loved or safe?”
Mel Robbins offers the next move — simple, courageous action.
Here’s how to begin bridging the two:
Name the Pattern:
“This is my ‘do-more-to-feel-safe’ cycle.” Awareness begins the healing.Pause to Feel:
Spend 60 seconds breathing into tension. Let the body process what the mind can’t fix.Choose Alignment Over Achievement:
Ask: Does this action serve my peace, or just my fear?
5 Practical Tools for Daily Regulation
1. The 3-Cue Check-In – Ask: Body? Breath? Boundary? If two are off, pause.
2. The 5-4-3 Grounding Technique – Anchor yourself in the present moment.
3. The 80% Rule – Stop chasing perfect; done is peaceful.
4. The “Aligned Yes” Script – “Thanks for asking, I’ll confirm tomorrow.”
5. Nervous System Bookends – Begin and end each day with slow breathing and reflection.
Living Well, Not Just Living Fast
You don’t need to earn rest — you need to remember it’s your birthright.
You’re not broken; you’ve simply been running on survival mode.
With counselling for high-functioning anxiety, you can retrain your mind and body to feel safe again — even when life is uncertain.
Book a Discovery Call
If you’re ready to calm your mind and reconnect with yourself, Pierre Begrand Counselling offers:
In-person counselling in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Online counselling for adults across Canada
Together, we’ll map your anxiety cycle, strengthen boundaries, and help you move from high-functioning to fully living.
👉 Book your free 20-minute discovery call below.
If you’re in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm, call 988 in Canada for immediate support. You are not alone — help is always available.
