All Suffering Comes From the Unexamined Mind: A Therapeutic Exploration

By Pierre Begrand Counselling — Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

One of Peter Crone’s most profound teachings is also one of the simplest:

“You don’t suffer because of life.

You suffer because of the meaning your mind creates about life.”

In counselling, this principle aligns with decades of research in psychology, neuroscience, trauma theory, and cognitive therapies.
It is not the event that creates emotional pain — it is the interpretation, the story, and the unconscious belief systemrunning in the background.

This is the heart of healing.
And it’s where many clients feel their biggest breakthroughs.

Let’s unpack this deeply and therapeutically.

What Does “The Unexamined Mind” Actually Mean?

An unexamined mind is not a weak mind.
It’s simply a conditioned mind.

From childhood, we develop:

• survival beliefs

• emotional patterns

• attachment strategies

• limiting narratives

• fears and assumptions

• coping mechanisms

These patterns become automatic and unconscious.
The mind repeats them because repetition feels safe — even if it’s painful.

An unexamined mind believes:

• “I’m not enough.”

• “People will leave me.”

• “I have to earn love.”

• “Others are judging me.”

• “If I fail, I’m worthless.”

• “My feelings are a problem.”

• “I need to be perfect to be accepted.”

These beliefs shape a person’s emotional world far more than any external circumstance.

Suffering = Story + Nervous System Activation

From a therapeutic lens, emotional suffering comes from two places:

1. The Story

Your internal narrative about what is happening.

2. The Nervous System Response

The physiological activation (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) that reinforces the story.

For example:

Event: Someone doesn’t text you back.
Story: “They’re losing interest… I’m not important.”
Nervous System: Panic, tight chest, overthinking.

The mind generates meaning.
The body reacts as if that meaning is the absolute truth.

This is how the unexamined mind creates real emotional pain — even when the story might not be accurate.

Why the Mind Creates These Stories

From a psychology and trauma-informed view, the mind isn’t trying to hurt you.

It’s trying to protect you.

Your mind looks for patterns based on:

• childhood experiences

• attachment wounds

• past relationships

• moments of shame

• past failures

• family dynamics

If your nervous system learned early that love is unpredictable, your adult mind will constantly scan for abandonment.

If you learned that emotions were unwelcome, your mind will label feelings as dangerous.

If you received love for performing, achieving, or pleasing others, your mind will panic when you rest or slow down.

The mind’s first job is survival — not truth.

How the Unexamined Mind Shows Up in Counselling Sessions

Clients often come in describing symptoms like:

• anxiety

• overthinking

• relationship insecurity

• people-pleasing

• perfectionism

• emotional numbness

• low self-worth

• feeling stuck

Underneath these symptoms is almost always an unexamined belief driving the emotional response.

For example:

Symptom: Anxiety when someone is upset
Underlying belief: “If someone is unhappy, I’m in danger.”

Symptom: Insecurity in relationships
Underlying belief: “I’m not enough to be chosen.”

Symptom: Difficulty setting boundaries
Underlying belief: “If I say no, I’ll be rejected.”

When clients finally see the belief driving the emotional suffering, they often say:

“It feels like something just lifted.”

The suffering wasn’t from reality —
it was from an old belief left unexamined.

Awareness Is the Beginning of Freedom

The moment you examine a belief, it begins to lose its power.

This is why Crone says:

“You can’t be the person observing the thought and still be the one controlled by it.”

Awareness creates distance.
Distance creates choice.
Choice creates freedom.

This mirrors:

• Mindfulness

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

• Internal Family Systems

• Somatic therapy

• Acceptance & Commitment Therapy

• Trauma-informed approaches

Once clients see the story, they can choose a new relationship to it.

How to Start Examining the Mind (Practical Steps)

Here are therapeutic steps clients can take to work with this principle:

1. Slow Down Long Enough to Notice the Story

Most suffering happens because the mind reacts so quickly that we don’t notice the narrative forming.

Try asking:

• “What story am I telling right now?”

• “What meaning did my mind create?”

• “What am I assuming without evidence?”

Awareness turns the lights on.

2. Ask: “Is this belief from the present… or from my past?”

Your body will often tell the truth first.

If the emotional reaction feels larger than the situation, it’s not about today — it’s about yesterday.

3. Bring Compassion, Not Judgment

The mind repeats painful stories because it thinks those stories keep you safe.

Compassion neutralizes shame.
Shame reinforces the old narrative.

Be gentle with the parts of you that learned to survive.

4. Regulate the Nervous System

You cannot out-think a dysregulated body.

Use strategies like:

• grounding

• breathwork

• somatic tracking

• orienting to your environment

• slowing your exhale

A regulated body can evaluate a story more clearly.

5. Rewrite the Narrative

Not with toxic positivity —
but with truth.

Examples:

Old belief: “I’m not enough.”
New truth: “This belief was learned, not born.”

Old belief: “People always leave.”
New truth: “I’ve survived every loss and I’m still here.”

Old belief: “I can’t handle discomfort.”
New truth: “My nervous system can learn new responses.”

This shift creates internal safety — the foundation of all healing.

Why This Principle Matters for Therapy

Clients don’t need to become someone else.
They need to stop believing the stories that prevent them from being who they already are.

When the mind is examined:

• anxiety decreases

• self-worth rises

• relationships feel safer

• decisions become clearer

• triggers lose power

• the nervous system settles

• life feels less threatening

This is the core of therapeutic transformation.

And this is exactly why Peter Crone’s first principle is so impactful.

Final Reflection

You’re not suffering because you’re weak.
You’re suffering because no one ever taught you how to examine your mind.

Once you learn how to slow down, name the story, and regulate your body, your entire emotional world begins to shift.

This is the work we do at Pierre Begrand Counselling:
creating inner clarity, rewriting old narratives, regulating the nervous system, and helping clients build a grounded, authentic, emotionally stable life.

Suffering isn’t a life sentence.
It’s an invitation to examine the mind that created it.